Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
