It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
