If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
