ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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