Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
