Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
