Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
