God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it's great music for shaving your balls
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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