Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
