everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
