lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm both gender and math confused
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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