Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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