So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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