im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
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