How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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