Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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