that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
