you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
