My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
