I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just found puke in my bra..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
