i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
