And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
