Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
