Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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