mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I will be naked everywhere
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
