cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
