i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You made out with two different species that night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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