I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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