what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's always time for handjobs
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
