You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
