White coat. Heels.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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