she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
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I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
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He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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