Kiss
Puke
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
