oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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