made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
