Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
