Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
