That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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