do herpes really smell.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
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I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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