I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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