my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
