By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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