Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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