Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
