Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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