I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
