I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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