just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
