Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
