I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
