can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
