Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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