i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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