maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
