I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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