i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
