So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think my vagina is haunted
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
