I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
