oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
