he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
