Cold hands, warm shart.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
