it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
