Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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