I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
