I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
