he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
