Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
